What It Looks and Sounds Like to Support Your LGBTQ+ Teen
For many LGBTQ+ teens to say that sharing with family members who they truly are is stressful, is an extreme understatement. Yes, the world has come a long way with regard to acceptance and support. But many young people know that their sexuality could be seen as an act of defiance, rebellion, manipulation, or just plain wrong. Or maybe they simply don’t know, and the fear and anxiety that takes place in that void simply terrifies them or keeps them silent.
In essence, every young person wants the love and acceptance of their parents. It’s the seminal place of belonging and unconditional love. To live with a sense of doubt there can be extremely painful.
Thus, it’s vital to spare your teen all of the fallout resulting from conscious or unconscious rejection or disapproval. It falls to you to get honest with yourself and prepare the foundation of a loving and communicative relationship going forward. One built on respect, openness, and clear support.
What does that look like? Here are several tips to help pave the way:
Listen to Your Teen
The key now is to respond intentionally rather than react emotionally. Tune in and respond to the feelings and experiences of your child, let go of the need to react to their behavior. The best way to do this is to begin letting go of judgment and mindfully pay attention to what your teen is sharing with you or showing you.
Listen and care with your mind and body. Lean in, hear the words, pay attention to meaning and their body language. Reflect what you hear them telling you. Show with clear affection and closeness so that they know your relationship comes first. Regardless of what they share, you are completely invested in hearing them out and respecting their point of view.
Practically, be sure to do the following:
Refrain from correcting, interrupting, or interpreting their feelings
Stay focused on your teen, minimize any outside distractions
Communicate interest and engagement with your body language
Breathe, regulate your own emotions to remain a safe confidante
Keep in mind that most likely your teen has been considering what these conversations with you would be like. Give them every reason to continue coming to you.
Move Forward Respectfully and Appropriately
It’s okay if you are struggling to accept or cope with your teen’s sexual expression. It’s not okay to name call, label, make demands, or dismiss your teen. Simply modeling maturity and calm with your teen, helps keep things in perspective and communication channels open. Giving yourself time and space to process the information they share. Simply engaging them as a young person with the ability to make their own choices. It goes a long way.
Communicate that you support and care about them as a person, regardless of sexual status. Support always begins with the ability to see the person in front of you as worthy of comfort and care. Your teen craves that from you most.
Speak Up With and for Them
While you don’t want to go overboard, make sure that your teen knows that you are in their corner, privately and publicly. Let them know too that, as with every other area of their lives, you will champion their care, safety, and success forever.
Of course, how you and your child engage in that process will be unique to your relationship. Talk to your teen regularly to get a sense of where they need you to lift them up or help create opportunities. Perhaps they prefer your support with school officials, require guidance for safe teen relationships, or need help navigating bias and bullies in general. Whatever the case, make yourself available to help them and stand as their most trusted ally.
Thank Your Teen for Trusting You
It’s important for your teen to know and understand that you appreciate them. Even if you struggle with their choices.
Thank them for their courage and willingness to come to you. Applaud their decision to honestly talk about their personal lives and relationships. Communicate that you get how tough or scary that can be. Let them know, too, that your gratitude will keep you reliable, trustworthy, and protective of your relationship.
Seek Out Additional Support
Truthfully, the challenges of the teen years, are already fraught with change and discovery that can tax the sensibility of any family. Consider both individual and family therapy together. Why? Because questions of identity deserve space and time. Professional support as can help you see emotions and communication purposefully and productively.
The goal as a parent is to affirm and encourage. How you respond and support your LGBTQ teen matters. If you are struggling, it’s okay. Don’t be afraid to reach out for the support you need too.