What You Need to Know About Anorgasmia in Cis-Gender Women
It may be that orgasms are nothing new to you. You may have had them for years and fully expect to have them for many more. But, sadly, some women are not so well acquainted with that sexual experience. Though they’d definitely prefer to become more familiar.
The truth is there is a name for the distance that exists between many women and their orgasms. It’s called anorgasmia.
So, the question is why? Let’s explore further:
Does Anorgasmia Just Affect Women?
No. Some investigation of female sexual dysfunction found that while a good portion of premenopausal women cope with ” female orgasmic disorder,” it is somewhat inaccurately referred to that way in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5th Edition (DSM-5). Studies conclude that between 1 to 5% of men experience delayed ejaculation.
Still, it is true is that anorgasmia is definitely more of a “she” problem than a “he” problem It is thought that between 30-40 % of women just never reach that sexual pinnacle routinely.
Is Orgasm More Difficult to Reach Because Women Are Naturally Less Capable of It?
No, though that’s a common myth. Most women struggle to climax during traditional vaginal intercourse because the primary pleasure point on their bodies is left out: the clitoris. Masturbation goes a long way to rectify that for a lot of women.
Yet, it generally doesn’t solve anorgasmia. Difficulty reaching an orgasm occurs despite the presence of plenty of stimulation. If you’re in this boat you know how frustrating it can be to never get “there” regardless of your efforts.
Why Does This Happen to So Many Women?
The reality is that anorgasmia doesn’t have a single cause or a single solution. A woman’s vulva and clitoris are as unique as they are. How it responds or doesn’t respond results from any number of physical and/or psychological concerns.
Of course, there are hormonal changes, like peri-menopause or menopause that trigger differences in response. Certainly, nutritional issues, substance use, and pharmaceutical side effects can impact orgasm, too.
Moreover, the stress of surgery, chronic pain or illnesses, or even the stress and anxiety related to a major life event ( perhaps even a pandemic), could suppress orgasm. The mind-body connection can not be overlooked, particularly if poor body image, depression, unresolved trauma, relationship problems, or even sexual performance anxiety are factors.
So, What Can A Woman Do?
First…don’t give in to shame. You are not alone in this and there is support for you physically, emotionally, and relationally. The moment you acknowledged that you needed some answers and path toward change, you began to turn things around. You’re in charge of your body and you’re affirming your needs. Good job.
Now, the next best step is to work with safe people who can help you work out some solutions:
1. Explore your physical health.
If something physical is causing your anorgasmia, your physician and/or gynocologist is a good place to start. At the very least, you’re ruling out anything you can adjust medically. If there are medications, hormonal therapies, etc creating trouble for you sexually, now is the time to know.
2. Explore your sexuality with professional support.
You may think the intimate nature of anorgasmia means you must deal with this secretly or alone. Resit the urge to hide or beat yourself up. The help of a compassionate sex therapist can make all the difference now.
Take time to examine your relationship with your body, sex, and anything that might serve as the roots of anorgasmia. Even better, allow your therapist to share techniques, ideas, and methods that can support the discovery or recovery of your orgasm.
Again, please don’t wait, and please don’t suffer in silence. As a qualified, experienced therapist, I’m here to help. Please read more about sex therapy and reach out for a confidential consultation soon.