How to Have Healthy Conflict in a Relationship

You and your partner love one another but lately, it’s felt a bit more challenging.

During a standard work week, you start your day by waking up together and you finish your day by going to bed together at night. Throughout the day, you don’t see one another or talk much.

You both seem easily aggravated, annoyed, and negative toward one another. In fact, a lot of your conversations involve increased voices, eye rolls, and walking away before you both get too heated. Or maybe you or your partner withdraw and give the silent treatment.

You’re trying to enjoy time with one another, but you both feel like you’re walking on eggshells. 

This is how to have healthy conflict in a relationship:

Listen to One Another

When you think of communication, you probably immediately think of two people carrying a conversation. A conversation requires a lot more than just talking though. Sure, it’s important to get your point across or to speak your mind, but it’s equally as important to listen. When your partner is speaking to you, make sure you’re actively listening. This means removing any and all distractions like turning off the television and putting your phone to the side. Lean in and be fully engaged and present. Try not to think about what you’re going to say next or interrupt them. Let them speak and ask questions to clarify when necessary.

Don’t Fight to Win

When you’re in a relationship, you need to consider the needs, wants, goals, values, and beliefs of both yourself and your partner. You’re two completely different people that chose to come together and build one relationship together. Make sure you’re trying to come together to compromise and find a resolution that works well for both of you. One partner shouldn’t feel like they’re giving up everything while the other is receiving. You shouldn’t be fighting to win. You should be working towards finding a solution that mutually benefits both of you.

Use “I” Statements

Being mindful of the words and phrases you’re using and thinking before you speak can be a great way to reduce or minimize things escalating, especially when you’re involved in a challenging conversation.

When you use “You” statements, your partner may feel inclined to react defensively. For example, you could say things like “You make me feel this way” or “You caused me to do this.” If someone said this to you, you would probably go on the defense as well.

Instead, try using “I” statements. I statements allow you to explain your own thoughts and feelings instead of pushing them off onto your partner. “I feel this way” or “I reacted this way because…” can be received in a better way.

Stay Calm

It can be easy for your emotions to control the conversation, especially when it’s an argument or a disagreement. Try not to let this happen. It’s important to remain calm, cool, and collected. Letting your emotions control the conversation can cause you or your partner to do or say things that you don’t really mean but that you also can’t take back. If you or your partner feel too emotional when you’re trying to communicate, try to take a break and come back to the conversation later.

Next Steps

Conflict is often seen as a bad thing, but healthy conflict can actually be good for your relationship. In fact, it can actually help strengthen the existing bond you share together.

If you’re struggling with finding a way to communicate healthily, therapy may be a great option for you and your partner.

Reach out to us today to set up a consultation for couples therapy or marriage counseling.